Saturday, January 24, 2009

Jeremiah's Protege: Baptize Infants and Protect the Free Market!

OK, I held back from pointing toward the diatribe by Jeremiah's even-more-batshit-crazy disciple, "Objective Scrutator," on the evil that purveyors of donuts visit upon our world. It was simply so silly as to devolve into Ralphiness of the most ignorable sort. But now he's making the nuttiest case for infant baptism that I've heard in...well, ever. Here are some samples:
Barack Obama...will undoubtedly regulate the credit markets. If we are to boot him out of office, be it democratically or by divine intervention, we are going to have to return to our traditional, Biblical roots...
OK...divine intervention? Because OS's God, besides of course being awesome, is so a registered voter. What do you suppose His Divine Position is on the City Bond Measure to re-pave Cedar Street, especially that nasty pothole to/from Hell at the corner of Main?
...we will have to make sure that every child is under the grace of the LORD as soon as possible. This will increase the work force, increase the work ethics of our children, and increase the work force...
Do you see a pattern emerging here? Baptize the kiddies so you can exploit them later in the work force!
Denying an infant a place in the community will often lead the infant to adopt values contrary to Christianity, such as Pacifism, Moral Relativism, and Existentialism...
Because, you know, those babies at Gymboree or playgroup with Mom, they're all spreading Marxism and witchcraft when the grownups aren't looking, having absorbed all those unholy values like peaceful coexistence, live-and-let-live, and so on before they're even potty-trained. Beware the binkies of Satan! Next thing you know, they'll be sharing their toys! Socialism!!
Christendom must be purged of those who do not accept Paedobaptism. If it is not, then justifications for demonic activity will emit from several of the more deviant churches, and the economy will not be fixed. Economies require free markets, gold standards, and Protestant work ethics to avoid recessions and depressions...the nitwit that favors delaying Baptism is the nitwit that wishes to starve the economy and promote the plans of Iraq Hussein Osama.
Oh, there's SO much here to be mined. First - justifications for demonic activity? I'd be fascinated to hear what more the Unhinged One has to say about what exactly these might entail. Because, apparently, they will inhibit repair of the economy. (I guess if OS's God is the uber-Voter, then his Satan must be the uber-Broker on Wall Street.) Next, baptizing infants apparently gives us free markets and the gold standard. Someone better tell that to all the babies baptized since Nixon, who eliminated the gold standard for all practical purposes in 1971. And as for the final line and the suggestion that any creed that doesn't dunk babies in water is supporting some kind of radical agenda advanced by an inane and scurrilously-nicknamed stand-in for the new President...well, I suppose it's no more than we should all expect from OS and company.

In addition, there is a delicious irony in seeing OS use the term "nitwit."

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Funny only today I seen a trollish comment on how Clinton's destruction of regulation of the credit markets is why the US is in this mess today.

Then when a Democrat may re-aply the rules the credit markets are at risk.

So what is it then?

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