Now the truth can be told. The
Llanview Pennsylvania police department seriously sucked. And with
everybody having slept with everybody else there were more open
questions of paternity than Maury Povich could handle in 20 years worth
of shows. The rate of serious mental illness in Llanview's children must
make Colorado City Arizona's look miniscule. I'd list all of the people Blair Cramer and Asa Buchanan married but you could just pick up a Llanview phone book. Can you come back to life after dying of a brain tumor or Carbon, Monoxide? Hell yes if you live in Llanview.
I only make mention of this because it's like a day of morning in Casa De Count. I thought this was the dumbest damn show on TV (well no dumber than other America Soaps I guess) but the Contessa loved it. In fact She threatened to get rid of the cable when it was announced they were ending the show. I put my foot down on that one! Some of the characters will be going to General Hospital I gather. (oh boy now she'll start watching that crap!) Like a good hubby in-spite of my feelings for the show I recorded the View (dedicated to OLTL) and the Final episode so she'll have it to watch when ever she misses this crap.
ABC has announced that the network is “evolving” its daytime offerings by canceling “All My Children” and “One Life to Live” and making room for two new shows.
The two longtime staples of afternoon TV-viewing will conclude in September 2011, and January 2012, respectively.
The cancellation of One Life To Live that is going to kill the Contessa.
Update: I just got the call she's read it. And as expected she isn't pleased.
Having first hand taken part...well sort of the Nielsen ratings for a week I can tell you personally how flawed the system is. They have to have other ways to determine ratings or the ratings we hear are compete and utter crap. The Contessa agreed to be a Nielsen family for the week. The pay was two new one dollar bills. They give you a diary each for every TV you own and they ask you to write down everything you watch in 15 minute increments. You had to do this for a week. I kept track for one day and even then I lied. I would write that I watched something like a football game for 3 1/2 hours when I watched 15 minutes of it and turned the channel. Now don't get me wrong I am sure many people who agree to do this are honest about it but I believe most are like ours, or me, and after a day of having to write down everything I watch (and it's more of a pain in the ass than it might seem) I would bet most do what I did and say screw it. DON'T TRUST THE RATINGS!
Last week, Dr. Laura got into some hot water, as she dropped the N-bomb mutiple time on the air. Tonight, she's calling it quits.
Dr. Laura Schlessenger, who dropped the N-Word 11 times on the radio last week (audio here), just pompously announced on Larry King Live that she's quitting her radio show to "regain [her] First Amendment rights." Inside, video of Schlessenger's announcement.
She said that she's going to exploring other avenues....Fox News, anyone?
From The Count: Combining our Threads :)
Why is it so many Conservatives don't understand that the 1st amendment doesn't guarantee freedom of employment?
Schlessinger ending her radio show because "my First Amendment rights have been usurped by angry, hateful groups"
Bella, Edward and Jacob hereby have been put on notice by Sookie and her vampire fiancee, Bill: The trailer to the new season of the HBO series True Blood (and the show in paticular) demonstrates how a vampire tale should be. True Blood maybe too violent and steamy for the for Twilight-crowd to handle, but for the rest of us, its pure televison bliss.
When watching baseball or college football, who do we turn to for sports analysis and commentary and who can't we stand? Here are some of my favorites:
Jim Rome - Dad and I have been listening to Rome's radio show before Jim Rome Is Burning on ESPN and before he was syndicated. His swagger is infectious and he's usually spot-on with his takes.
Michelle Beadle and Colin Collinsworth - These two go well with one another on SportsNation. That, and it also helps that Colin's both funny & accurate and Michelle's easy on the eyes.
Lee "Hacksaw" Hamilton (local) - Every afternoon, he boasts & brags that the first 15 min. of his radio show are the best 15 min. on sports radio. He delivers on that promise, bringing up everything that's going on in the world of sports for the listeners to comment on.
Joe Buck - The Count will hate me for this, but he's not all that bad of a commentator. I don't understand all the hate he gets.
Dick Ensburg - He's one of the great veterans of sports announcers. Everyting he does - from football to his new home, calling games for the Padres - you feel like you're listening to someone who's been around the world many times over and has amazing stories to tell.
Who I can't listen to:
Skip Bayless - God, he's so fucking annoying. Everytime when he'n on ESPN 2's 1st and 10, I want to grab some duct tape and wrap it around his fucking mouth.
Scott Van Pelt - The guy's just boring.
Frank Calliendo (sp?) - Its always hit-or-miss with him on Fox NFL Sunday when he's making his picks and spoofing someone at the same time. Ok, its mostly him missing a good part of the time. Bring back Jimmy Kimmel.
EDIT From The Count:
Edit From The Count: Sadly good sports personalities are a dying breed. Of Jonathan's list I do not agree with Rome or Buck. Buck because of his BS faux morality and the fact he thinks he's better than you and Rome just because he thinks he's better than you. BTW I used to love the rome show until he got political in 2000 and was campaigning for G.W. Bush on his show.
I like Michelle Beadle but not really for sports reasons. As Jonathan said she's easy on the eyes and she's really quite good on the show. She like many of her male colleagues make no secret about the fact that she dreams of someday replacing Deanna Farve but at least she is honest about it.
How does Skip Bayless still have a job? After he wrote a book claiming that Troy Aikman was gay? Who is Bayless blowing in Bristol to stay employed?You can add almost every sports writer on Around The Horn to my can't stand list except maybe Bob Ryan and Jackie McMullen. McMullen for sure is not on my hate list. Great sports writer.
As for announcers. I grew up with Howard Cosell on Monday Night football and I loved the guy. Most people did though they wouldn't admit it. In fact most people claimed to hate him. Yet why has MNF never had anywhere close to the same ratings since he left? The guy was opinionated but more often than not he was right.
There are also legends like Dick Stockton and as Jonathan mentioned Dick Enberg who are reaching the end of their careers.
For College Football To me the best announcer is ABC's Brad Nessler. CBS's Vern Lunquist use to be really good but his time has past. Sean McDounugh sp? is another solid guy for College Football.
Speaking of needing to retire there is no sadder tale than that of Ron Franklin. That guy was one of, if not the best play by play guys ever he was always better than the more celebrated Kieth Jackson. Now he's just pathetic. All he does is bitch about games being too long about being awake and yell for players to be thrown out of games. He also misses a ton of calls and doesn't seem to do any homework anymore.
Pat Summerall who used to be a part of what many considered to be the best NFL announce team of all time in Summerall and Madden only works one game a year Now the Cotton Bowl in his home town of Dallas. But he too struggles now even in limited duty.
Brent Musburger has his fans, lots of them in fact, but I think he is one of the absolute worst announcers ever. And the further the game goes and the drunker he gets the worse he gets. "Big Game Brent" is awful.
There are 2 Mike Terico's. The one who doesn't have a rooting interest is pretty solid. The one who calls games involving Michigan teams is pathetic. I WILL NEVER FORGIVE HIM for his call of the 2005 Alamo Bowl. A professional network announcer openly rooting for Michigan and actually crying on air when Michigan lost.
Play by Play guys pretty much all suck! ok there are a few decent ones. In College Todd Blackledge, Gary Danielson (sometimes) Matt Millen (yes he really is a pretty good on tv) in the NFL Troy Aikman is surprisingly good and I don't mind Chris Colinsworth as much as many do.
College Basketball and NBA announcers are really bad. Many in College basketball like Dick Vitale and even Bill Raftery to some extent are more about themselves then they are about Basketball and are just horrid. Vitale especially BABY!
NBA is just full of testicle lickers. Last night ABC's crew of Mike Breen, Jeff Van Gundy and Mark Jackson better know as the Kobe Bryant Ball Washing Committee spent 10 minutes ripping Derick Fisher for a foul that cost the Lakers the game against Portland before Breen FINALLY pointed out Kobe committed the foul. Then they went back to bashing Fisher for Kobe's fuck up. The Best NBA guy maybe Dr. Jack Ramsey on the radio for ESPN. I miss Bill (Horrrrrrrrrrrrrrible) Walton on tv. He was the Cosell of his time.
That brings me to the worst announcer currently on TV and this guy is absolutely loved. Gus Johnson
Enthusiasm is one thing screaming the entire game is another. Making matters worse is now that Johnson has hit the big time for his screaming style he screams even more. A typical Gus Johnson call will often sound like this: OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD HE JUST BURIED A 3 WITH 2 SECONDS LEFT OH MY GOD OH MY GOD THAT BRINGS GONZAGA'S LEAD TO 87-49
As for local guys we use to have Jim Rose on football and Randy Lee on Basketball. Rose was Godawful. I mean one of the worst announcers ever and he was mocked statewide for his incompetence.
He kept his job by constantly pimping for his boss AD Steve Pederson. When Pedey was fired Rose had a nervous breakdown (Not making this up) and was replaced with the very solid Greg Sharpe who still has the gig today.
Randy Lee on the other hand was really good so of course they fired him and replaced him with Kent Pavelka who was well know for his play by play here for years in football and basketball and for the most part well loved. But Pavelka too is now making a lot of mistakes (some say he always did) and his play by play guys after to cover for him.
In one corner: the 2010 Pro-Bowl. The one game out of the whole NFL season no fan of football gives a rats ass to watch. Sorry Antonio Gates and DeMarcus Ware, I could care less to watch a game that has no meaning to anyone playing on the field.
In the other: the 2009 Grammy Awards. I actually like watching this, but music in 2009 (save Dave Matthews, U2, Green Day, Bruce Springsteen, MGMT, Muse, and Beyonce) sucked. Not a fan of Taylor Swift's country-pop crossover/teenage girl romance shtick, didn't like Black Eyed Peas's latest effort, Kings of Leon are overrated, and Lady Gaga is just a rehash of Madonna back in the 80's. Nothing really stood out to me, unlike last year when Radiohead gave the one-finger to the recording industry with In Rainbows and still made their best album since Kid A; when Coldplay embraced being U2's eventual heirs with Viva La Vida Or Death and All His Friends; when Auto-Tune reached it's peak with Lil Wayne's amazing Tha Carter III; when British singer-songwriter Duffy stole and broke hearts with her debut album, Rockferry, and so on.
So what's there to watch? Big Love on HBO. I'm completely behind in that family drama, but thank goodness for HBO On-Demand. I can catch up on all the episodes i've missed. Late Edit by Jonathan:Taylor Swift won Album of the Year. It's official: The Grammys have become a pathetic popularity contests.
Late Edit From The Count: My disdain for 21st century culture is legendary but looking at the Grammy's through the years I see they have always made some head scratching choices.
From 1966: Best Contemporary (Rock and Roll) Recording“Winchester Cathedral,” New Vaudeville Band (Fontana) Um say what?Of course it's all about who greases whoms palms.
In a funny way. Conan O'Brian exposes other iconic cartoons who have bared all for pornography mags way before Marge Simpson stripped for the cover of Playboy.
The Connecticut screech is back and brings her oh-so-witty and sharp humor to ABC's The View yesterday. Watch the clip very carefully, and you'll be able to see the total hypocrisy in Ann's blisteringly hilarious new book Guilty.
