Monday, March 16, 2009

The View From My Ass

As I was forming this wonderful article in my mind I was actually going to start it with an apology over verbiage that might be be construed as rude or offensive and then I slapped the face... the face dammit! And said fuck that shit. This is why I don't write anymore I am worried somebody might get their feelings hurt. Bullfuck! Who reads this? 8 people tops. And 3 of them are Ranger Bob, Dog Fuck and Ralph so that means actually only 5 people read this.

So anyway Friday the Contessa and her sister packed up and left for the weekend leaving the Count all alone. And I have got to tell you Friday sucked ass. Went out to eat alone Took forever to get my food and then the manager who apparently could see from the look on my face that I was getting pissed came over and to make the situation right offered me an apology. Now the Contessa would have ate for free of course she would have caused a scene which is not my style, I just said OK, ate FINALLY! and left leaving a fairly small tip. Now it's a small thing but it's how My Friday went.

Then I got the news that I would have my Brothers dog for the weekend. Well Why the fuck not? I haven't got my Wife but dammit I've got two Chihuahuas. So with that news, after a killer of a night of playing my 45 collection ( I mean How many times can one play Lou's Got The Flu?) and walking around the house naked ( Which Isn't as fun as it sounds) I can only think of one other thing to do...and since I vowed never to do that again by myself I just took my sleeping pills and went to bed convinced that Saturday would, in the words of that wise philosopher Willie Nelson, Start the same old thing again.

And Saturday started out as another fun filled weekend day with out much point or purpose until a friend came over and suggested we head to Lincoln to watch Ralston's class B state championship game. Now I did not graduate from Ralston but I consider it my school or as much my school as any high school is my school. So I said hell why not and headed down to Lincoln. Now for the two years I went to Ralston there were 5 African American students and 4 were from the same family. They now have at least 6...cause there were 6 on the basketball team. Now right or wrong it was something I noticed and something that caught me off guard. I was told that the high school was in fact far more diverse than it was in my day which is very much a good thing. This had to be the first High School game I had been to in 10 years and Ralston won 61-49 over Beatrice. They had a kid 6-7 who was unstoppable and he pretty much single handily brought Ralston their first title in basketball in 45 years. Next year the kid is going to Colorado State because Lord knows Nebraska sure doesn't need 6'7" Forwards who can shoot the ball inside and out..."is using sarcasm"

I have to admit I had a blast at the game. I even pissed off somebody sitting by me when Ralston grabbed the momentum and I suggested that they should run Beatrice back to the farm. Anyway I went to bed Saturday knowing I made it through the worst and when I woke up my Wife might be there and Torch...God love the Cojoneless little devil...would be gone. Now normally when it comes to Sundays I agree with Kris Kristofferson 100% There ain't nothing short of dying half as lonely... or boring... or crappy. (The Boring and Crappy was actually the Count not Kristofferson) And with the Celtics losing for the 19th Sunday in a row and Duke winning the ACC Title ...

What a rat faced fuck K is.

it would seem that this would be another such Sunday. But no! this was a glorious day. First I awoke to the lovely sight of my wife who had arrived home not a moment too soon also Torch's people had come and got him. He's a sweet little guy but he has no balls at all and not just cause the vet took them. His Sister, whom we now own, met him at the door when he came in and hit him in the head...he shit on the floor. Timid doesn't do the little guy justice. The temperature was 60 degrees and the Contessa and I went for a walk. We ate some Burger King outdoors It was all good. Somehow eating BK isn't the same alone. It just isn't.

And the good news just kept continuing as the day went progressed into night. The brackets for the Men's NCAA Basketball tournament were announced and to the surprise of nobody outside of the 10 Grey Poupon eating idiots at The BlowJob cafe Creighton was not one of the 65 teams invited. After the announcement I head over to BJ Cafe to revel in their misery. This my friends was the BlowJob Cafe at 6 O'Clock Central time...

Then at 6:30 it was...

Then at 7 it was back too...

It was truly a terrible day to be a Creighton fan. Not only did Creighton RIGHTFULLY not get an invite to the NCAA Tournament but word came that Dana Altman's A1 Testicle licker was going to be unemployed...

Matt Perrault Fucking Canned

We received word this morning from a very reliable source that sports talk show host Matt Perrault will be leaving Omaha’s Big Sports 590 (KXSP 590 AM) at the end of March. Perrault joined Big Sports in 2005 as the afternoon host on the sport-talk station. His show now airs 2-6 p.m. weekdays. Perrault and his co-host Travis Justice were No. 9 with men 25-54 (the coveted demo for their format) in the latest report from the Arbitron radio ratings service in the 3-7 p.m. time slot, which encompasses most of their show.

9th place? 9th Place? Now if you're from Chicago, LA, New York or Boston that may not sound so bad but this is Omaha where there are only like 7 Radio Station. Think about it. Travis "Fatty" Justice and Matt "Loser" Perrault were getting their asses kicked by the polka time fun hour out of Fort Dodge Iowa. Pathetic. Now like most of the rest of the state, and life itself I hate Matt Perrualt. I wear the fact that he called me an asshole like a badge of honor and don't think I don't feel some pride in helping to shut down the comment section of his blog but I'll miss the son of a bitch and his Creighton ass kissing and the way he calls the 2 women whom he's ever had sex with slanderous names...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! No I won't. Hit the bricks dickhead!


I'll say one thing for Matt. No other sports talk show host in Omaha has a Face book group dedicated to them that calls them a super douche. Of course not everybody is thrilled Matt got shit canned. Over at Blow Job Cafe the 10 Creighton fans quit drinking just long enough to give Matt P. one last super blow job...AWW!

As For Nebraska basketball they too are playing in the NIT, though you will here no crying about it, There were no delusions of grandeur on their fans part even though their team actually BEAT the team whose fans are crying like little bitches. Tuesday night Nebraska has the tough task of playing At New Mexico.

in Other News...

Anderson Cooper is a complete waste of a zygote. Maybe we could use his stem cells for research. He is shocked...shocked God Dammit that Mexican drug cartels are recruiting Teenagers to help them do their dirty work and thinks you will be too. As opposed I guess to American gangs whom according to Planet Cooper must be recruiting 82 year old Grandmas. Oh to be the sperm of Gloria Vanderbilt and come off like you have a clue of the real world. Cooper has none. And staying in a $1000 motel in a New Orleans suburb for 3 months while you pimp the misery of others for career gain doesn't give you a clue. Neither did his pathetic 24 hours on a Chicago street which was actually 2...the other 22 hours were spent I am sure at a 5 star posh hotel.

And Finally a matter of my personal fan boydom...

I wrote about Commander Bond's Jaques "Jim" Stewart earlier and you can find that article here. Jim as he likes to be called, is the foremost expert on everything and If there is one thing he knows besides everything it's that he is better than everybody else. Just one problem. Despite what Jim and his own legion of butt boys might think Jim can't write for shit. I mean for all of the shit he gives others his writing is so pathetically bad and pathetically boring that the only word to describe it is...well Pathetic. Let me just say this. I have never posted on CBN I just lurk so this is not the result of a run in with Jim. This is just the result of years of laughing at him saying others can't write when he turns in shit like what is linked too above. Well I have a new hero at CBN. Named Dr. Shatterhand who had the guts to call out Jim and his army of 900 pound fan boys. A quote I posted earlier...

You don't believe in coming straight to the point, do you? I was looking forward to a critique of the book, instead I have to wade through a river of nonsense. 12 paragraphs before your critique even begins is a bit over-the-top. Next time listen to your school teacher and edit out the parts that bore the reader.

BTW, this is just my opinion

Well thankfully the good Dr. Is letting Jim Have it with both barrels in this thread on CBN and Jim's butt boys are responding in kind...

On Jim's horrid Fan fiction The Good Doctor writes...

As for THE HEART BLEEDS ICE, most publishers would throw the story in the garbage after reading that opening line. I, for one, just clicked onto another website.

The Good Dr. makes so many good points on this thread and does it in a much more civil manner than I could of that I have to link to his website... if you are a Bond fan give it a visit. Bottom line Jim thinks he is Tolstoy but is in point of fact toadshit. I leave you for now though with this wonderful exorcise in Irony from Mark A one of Jim's Buttblobs. (Mark saw Thunderball when he was 15 jerked off for hours and thus is a true Bond fan though he by his own admission hates everything Bond ever since then)

I am with you on this one. All I can see that someone had the b**l* to write far my lucidly than I could my very own opinion of Benson. I am really not worried whether I ever met Benson at all, so I am not too worried saying that Jim's review was pretty spot on. Thank you.

All I can see that someone had the b**l* to write far my lucidly than I could my very own opinion of Benson?

No Offense Mark...But forget Benson, a 4 year old retarded chimp or the Last President for that matter, could write more lucidly than you could.

Anyway today was a happy day. So


Count Istvan


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