Credit Leviathan on Huskermax message board.

Let me, a Nebraska fan; give you an introduction to THE University of Texas and Texas fan, from Texas’ viewpoint.

Dear PAC-10 (UT will figure out what to call this later) Fans,

First, it is THE not the University of Texas.

Second, let’s get this straight immediately, you (the PAC-10), joined us not the other way around.

Third, all of your records, your traditions, your rivalries, while quaint, are now irrelevant. We (UT) are here now to bring some legitimacy to OUR conference and to the other, lesser, institutions we have allowed to remain. There really is no need to keep your old records as the new ones from OUR conference will easily be superior and more legitimate. Your old rivalries are now dead. USC-UCLA, Oregon-Oregon St., and especially Arizona-Arizona St. are needless now that we are here. We will keep UT-OU as that is the only rivalry that matters to us. Stanford-Cal can remain because we don’t care about that. There was only 1 game in that series that anybody remembers anyway and that’s because some poor trumpet player got run over. If I am incorrect on what the instrument he was playing was, it doesn’t matter, I write history now, so it is a trumpet player. Got it?

Fourth, the Southwest Conference was the greatest college football conference ever formed. The world is indeed a little bit colder and sadder because it does not exist. What’s that? Nobody outside the state of Texas gave a rat’s ass about it. Perfect, that leads me to number 5.

Fifth, everything in the universe DOES revolve around the state of Texas. You absolutely must understand this. The sooner (f OU) you understand this the easier your transition to OUR new conference will be. You are now better people because you are associated with us. All of your past sins and transgressions (see not caring that Rice was a member of the SWC) are now forgiven. You will come to view Texas as the greatest thing God himself ever created. “Don’t mess with Texas”, “American by birth, Texan by the grace of God”, “Native Texan”, “I wasn’t born here but I got here as fast as I could”, “Everything’s bigger in Texas” are all phrases you need to become familiar with.

Sixth, do not expect us or our citizens of the state of Texas to care about what happens on the west coast. We will not cover your athletics in our newspapers. You are in OUR conference now but we do not care what happens in California or the west coast. You are all just a bunch of tree-hugging hippies anyway. Our political views are more legitimate than yours. Our way of life is superior to yours.

Last, understand this well, we do not need you. Never be mistaken that we need you. You needed us, that is why we came here, to save you. Texas needs nobody. The only reason Texas is still a state in the United States is because we choose to grace the U.S. with our presence. Understand, this?

I think this relationship is perfect for both of us, as long as you are willing to do things our way and completely concede all control to us. After all, we’re Texas. We’re better than you. It’s not your fault you aren’t Texan. But it does make you inferior to us. We look forward to a long, or short, depending on what we decide, relationship in which you will come to envy us, worship us, and hitch yourself to the Texas wagon as all of the Big 12 did, except those *%^#!*^**# Nebraska Cornhuskers. By the way, they ruined the Big 12.

Oh yeah, we used to be our own country too!

DeLoss Dodds and William Powers and drunk, coarse, abusive Texas fan