4. Obama wants restrictive gun control because only economically depressed middle-Americans “cling to God and guns.” McCain unwaveringly supports the Second Amendment.
It's humorous that these conservatives types are all for protecting the Second Amendment, but when it comes to defending the First and Fourth Amendments, plus habeas corpus from bills that violate such essential civil liberties needed to sustain our democracy, they're only too happy to join their leader in using it as their personal use of toilet paper.
7. Obama is married to a bitter, angry lawyer who became “proud” of her country for the first time this year. McCain’s wife is a beer heiress who founded an organization to provide MASH-style units to disaster-torn world regions. Did I mention that she’s a beer heiress?
Please, spare us the PG-rated racism and just call her 'one of them uppity Negroes', like I know you secretly think about Michelle Obama. Its basically saying the same thing.
9. The name John McCain sounds like “John McClain,” the action hero played by Bruce Willis in the manly Die Hard series. “Barack Obama” sounds like the kind of elitist villain John McClain has to outwit and defeat.
You know, I contend that these hard-core conservative types hang on to movie icons like John Rambo and John McClain because they would love to have had someone like that come to their elementary school and have a McClain beat the schoolyard bullies to a pulp for giving him shit all the time and making his like a living hell 24/7.