Monday, February 23, 2009

From the "I'm Not Paranoid, But They're Out To Get Me" Department...

Thanks to the always-excellent Jesus' General, I found this beyond-crazy column from a Seattle-area newspaper. I just had to share its stunning paranoia with you all:
I don’t want to alarm anybody but I’ve been a little apprehensive over what I found in the change kicked out by the till at one of the local stores the other day.

It was a 10-shillings coin from the Republic of Somalia dated 2002. It has a dromedary camel on one side and a coat of arms on the other.

No, I have never been to Somalia. All I really know about Somalia is that it is the home base of a gang of pirates who prey on the 18,000 ships that travel through the Gulf of Aden each year. And piracy is on the rise...

Now, I know I am making a whole lot out of one little coin, but one does not expect a coin from Somalia to show up in grocery store change in Puget Sound unless someone from Somalia parted with it. Are we being scouted for an attack on our ferry system?
I can only imagine how the writer - an elderly lady named Adele Ferguson, a regular columnist for the paper in question, who looks like every neighbor you've ever had come running out of her screen porch to tell those kids to get off her lawn - must freak out if somebody is "looking at her funny" at the post office, or perhaps suspiciously letting her take the last open parking space in the lot.

I would add that most Washington State Ferries are somewhere between "rustbucket" and "garbage scow" designation and could probably be handily overpowered by a Brownie troop armed with nothing more than Hello Kitty backpacks and maybe a bent paper clip. Not the most tempting targets for piracy.

There may be hope and change in DC, but wingnuttery remains alive and well in the Washington that I can see from my house.

Do read the whole "article." And the single published response is equally priceless.

Edit From The Count:

The author of the article.

2 comments:

Count Istvan said...

Yeah like this doesn't happen all the freakin time. Most people just go "oh" and save the coin. Shit I know I have everything from a Canadian Toonie to a Stoneslyvania Crupek.

RalphyFan said...

No kidding, Count. Last year I got a New Zealand dollar instead of a Loonie in change. Guess I'd better batten down the hatches - obviously, the Kiwis are coming!!

The General also has a link to an earlier "column" of hers on what a precious gift slavery actually was, and why aren't today's African-Americans more appreciative. Really.

The mind boggles.

Total Pageviews