Wading in the Fundie Gene Pool

Gather 'round, boys and girls - while it's still that quiet lull between the War On Christmas and the War On Easter, it's time once again to dabble our toes in the pond of inexplicable nuttery that is the oeuvre at Fundies Say the Darndest Things. February 2012 is off to quite a start! Here are some of the more "special" nuggets.

Allah is not God but a sand monkey’s idol. It is called also the Kaaba, a so-called moonstone meteorite on display at the caboose or grand mosque…PURE IDOLATRY!!!

It can be speculated that these sub human desert rats use similar black stones to wipe themselves, and since they are all ardent sodomites, you can make the connexion as they use the same stone “tool” as tribal totem then idol that they imposed on the Middle East by massive genocides.

SO much to enjoy here. The dehumanizing epithet "sand monkey," confusing the Kaaba not only with Allah but with the "caboose" (??), and speculating that miniature Kaaba souvenirs (Kaabae, maybe? If such exist.) are in regular use as toilet paper. Imagine how offended the writer would be if someone were to suggest to him that all Christians wipe their bottoms with a crucifix, or printouts of the Sistine Chapel ceiling! Truly, a post worth framing so that you too can indulge in some PURE IDOLATRY!

Next, new for you from the department of Crazy Shit We Imagine Those Unlike Us Are Planning:

It’s only a matter of time before atheists like Jessica Ahlquist demand:

1. The state not allow Christian Churches on public roads throughout this country because it creates the illusion that the state endorses religion.
2. Demand Churches remove their crosses and silence their bells so not to offend non-believers
3. Cities like St Louis and San Diego change their names because the word Saint endorses a religion.
4. The military remove all Christian Chaplains so not appear to endorse religion.
5. Public College/high school sport programs remove the ‘Hail Mary’ pass from their playbook.
6. Prayer in public will not be allowed anywhere because it might offend non-believers.
7. Christians wear a giant C on the left side of their chest so they can be easily identified and thus publicly shunned.
8. One will not be able to shop at a business owned by a Christian, in the name of FAIRNESS,because it gives the appearance of favoring a religious business over a secular one.
9. Biblical Christian (Lucifer and Judas are exempt) names will no longer be accepted on birth certificates so it does not create the appearance of the state endorsing religion.
10. Islam is exempt from All of the above rules in the name of diversity and as an expression of multiculturalism!

OK, number 1 is absurd. That's like saying that anything on a public road, from Starbuck's and McDonald's to the local no-tell motel is perceived as being state-endorsed. Nobody thinks that. At least, nobody who thinks does.

Number 2 is actually what the Fundie crowd does. That's part of the reason why it took decades for pagan servicepeople to gain the right for a pentacle to be displayed on their headstones.

Number 3. Really? Gingrichgrad? Santorumville? No, wait, better be just Torumville. Nuts.

Number 4. First of all, the military is not supposed to endorse religion, so it might be advantageous that it not appear to. And I actually think it's a good idea to provide a military chaplaincy for those so inclined. But it had better be Baskin-Robbins in nature. 31 flavors, not just plain vanilla.

Numbers 5, 7 and 9: just silly. Good luck selling #9 in the Southwest, BTW. All those Jesuses and Marias - ¡Ay de que!

Number 6. Would never happen. Anyone can do this now. The thing is, people like me can't be forced to hang around and listen or participate, which is the scenario this poster really wants.

Number 8. Interesting. Any business owned by a Christian is a religious one. I'm pretty sure there are plenty of believers who would be surprised to learn that their gas station, condo development or bowling trophy business has suddenly become a religious enterprise like the Salvation Army or the convent down the road. Rather than just, you know, a job.

But it's in number 10 that we finally come to the crux of this rant. Fear of Islam and its followers. Wake up, Fundie crowd! When we who are not faith-based point to you as extremists, you can be very quick to say "We're not all like that..." and to paint yourselves as moderate and reasonable. But perish the thought that the same standard should apply to any other faith...say, one that is as much based on Abrahamic lore as your own, but has been sadly tarred by the misguided acts of a few dozen fanatics with box cutters and a vicious agenda. Nice job turning the other cheek, there.

But, wait! More convoluted paranoia ahead!

Gay people...when I send my children to public school, I don't expect them to learn about being "black", [sic.] period. I send them to public school to learn there [sic.] place under "White supremacy", and to be grateful to "White people" for allowing them the priveledge [sic.] to learn, read a book, and think.

The agenda behind homosexual instruction, in a "White Supremist" [sic.] operated public school is to effiminate [sic.] the males, and defeminate [sic.] the women to halt "birth production". [sic.]

And unless you have another educational agenda superior to the White Power establishment, (which I would like to hear, or see in writing), please tell me:

"How come straight teachers are teaching kids "how to be homosexual"? [sic.]

Peace be upon you

OK, I have to confess, I don't even get what this one purports to mean! Is the suggestion that public schools are bastions of white supremacist thought? And this somehow results in gay advocacy as well? Because last time I looked at fringe movements, people, white supremacy and pro-gay agendas seemed to me about as far apart as Australia and Austria! Is this person even really a parent? Because I can't imagine any parent sending a child to school to "learn their place." And how does "black" fit in with any of this? But, it's the closing "peace be upon you" that really makes it...

That's all for now! Plenty more at the link if you're spoiling for a good laugh or facepalm...