Monday, February 14, 2011

The View From My Ass

Don't ask me how this is possible this day and age with all the commercials they run starting in December just after Christmas gets over and running until tomorrow but I woke up and got on the computer for 3 seconds before my dental appointment and saw the date and said OH SHIT! How the fuck did I miss Valentines day? Now that I think about it maybe it was the constant commercials that played a factor in me forgetting the holiday. You see so many commercials so often that you become desensitized to them. Just like what they say about violence. Of course in this case forgetting about one can often lead to another if you don't make it right. And I think I did make it right. At least I hope I did. I got 8 roses (one for every valentines day together) Another gift and I made dinner (If you could call it that) Probably could have gotten a nicer gift with the money I lost yesterday in Sloan at Winavegas but hey it wasn't my idea to go now was it? Of course I wasn't dragged kicking and screaming either.

Last Sunday after the Superbowl a friend asked me to go to Ameristar with him and though I didn't want to I said yes and hit a 4 of a kind on 3's which was worth a $100 and I hit some other stuff and came home about $130 ahead. Yesterday it was the warmest day we have had in months it was 65. So it was suggested we go up to Sloan about 70 miles away and check out Winavegas. Wasn't my idea didn't really want to go...just saying. Actually nobody put a gun to my head and I was kind a glad to get out of the house on a nice day and take a drive. Even if I did lose a chunk of my sizable ass. Winavegas is a dump By the way. Casino's in Kansas are much nicer. Hell Fort. Randal in South Dakota is much nicer.

Old people suck. I know I know we all know lots of old people who are cool and lovely but man sometimes they piss me off. I am walking around Winavegas waiting to play the $1 wheel of fortune machines. I mostly play $.25 machines and draw poker but I was doing so bad I was playing penny and nickle machines as well. Penny machines are a rip but more on that later. Anyway I usually set a side $20 or $40 to put in to a dollar machine because I have put $20 in a dollar machine hit the little spin and won at least $100 several times. Well these two old bats they had to be in their 80's at least, they looked about 10 years younger than Planet Bob, were just sitting at the machines and not playing them. I'd walk by them there would be one old bat and the other machine was empty with a purse in the chair or they would just be their bullshitting each other. It was as if they thought hell I am 90 I can do whatever I want and fuck the rest of you. It's as if the fact that they get everything cheaper than you and I isn't enough. They have a huge sense of entitlement. I am old I can sit at this machine and not play it and piss you off because I am old. As it ever occurred to anybody that people traveling with old people should be the ones who get the discounts? I just hope that I live long enough to get even. Not with those old people of course they'll be long since gone but instead by pissing off younger people just the way older people piss me off when I was younger.

Anyway they finally got off the machines just as we were going to leave and I said hell I have lost this much might as well lose some more and put $20 in the machine. I didn't hit spin and win over a $100 but I did hit double diamonds and different bars and Double Diamonds and single bars so I put in $20 and cashed out $68. Pennies, Nickels, Quarters and Dollars it was the only machine I won on all day.

Now back to old people why do you play penny machines? You do know that to win on a penny machine you have to put in as much money as you do with quarter machines right? And you also know that to play a penny machine at full bet it's usually more, much more money than a quarter machine right? Do the math. A 3 credit $1 machine costs $3 to play at full bet. A draw poker machine costs $5 A $.25 costs a $.75 to play at full bet or a draw poker machine costs $1.25 the penny machines often have up to 10 or 15 lines and a maximum of $.40 per line or more. If you're playing a 10 line machine at $.40 you are paying $4 a spin. You should always play the maximum bet on any machine. Any casino expert will tell you that. However on multiple line machines you have to play fewer lines in order for it to make sense for you to play the machines in the first place. Play fewer lines have fewer chances to win. Penny machines are a rip off. I won't even get into how penny machines pay off worse than any other machines in the building. A penny machine at more than $.75 a bet makes no sense and almost never pays off anything worth winning.

Here's the amazing thing I left down about...well I left down $ wise an amount that had I lost it or been robbed of it I would be upset. However leaving in a Casino doesn't and never has bothered me. I shrug it off. I certainly didn't lose so much i'll be starving the next 6 weeks and not paying bills. Nor did I lose what I couldn't afford to lose. All that being said it will be at least April or May before I visit any casino again. Next time I leave somewhere a couple of bills down I'd like for it to have been because I bought something with them.

So Thursday we may hear about the new assistant coaches on the coaching staff for Football and it is suppose to be close to 70 degrees or to put it another way over 90 degrees warmer than it was last week. On Friday we can bitch about the new assistant coaches and the fact that it is suppose to be 37 and snowing. Still the new assistants will not be named Watson and Gilmore 37 is still warmer than -20 and I don't have another important date to forget until May 28th. Unless of course I have already forgotten about it. And If I do I'll know who is to blame...old people!

KTF

Count Istvan.

3 comments:

et said...

I used to work for a tribal casino, Count. And I'll hope nobody from my old stomping ground is reading because I am about to reveal a couple of secrets of casino marketing.

(a) The primary audience is the elderly, but the promotional materials will never tell you this explicitly. It will all be lively and bright and young...or, if it's one of the more honest properties, young-ISH...because that is the feeling, of themselves and of the experience, that you want those guests to recapture so that they keep coming back.

(b) You're not marketing the odds or the strategy or even the potential payoff to that audience as much as you are marketing "fun." That's why those two who so annoyed you parked their purses, shot the breeze and played penny slots. They're not looking for the big win. They may think that they are, but subliminally, they're there because they've bought into the idea that it's a fun place for them to go. And, generally, it is, if the staff is doing things right, valuing every customer and providing an exceptional guest service experience.

And, think about it. Every moment they spend at a penny machine is one in which they don't either have to be alone, at home, or in some kind of a group care facility where whoever has the remote in hand at the time has decided for everybody that it's "Toddlers & Tiaras" night.

Am I cynical about the whole enterprise? Yeah, a little. Do I understand your annoyance? Sure. But I also get the sense of community/camaraderie that these folks seek and sometimes find at casinos. Which leaves me at the end of the day, as usual, ambivalent.

Just my two cents. ;-)

Count Istvan said...

For the record I don't hate old people of course though at times I do find them mildly annoying like Sunday as I am sure they find younger folks often. And said old people suck with tongue planted just a little in cheek.

I absolutely agree with everything you say about Casino's how they are marketed and who their target audience really is. I live next door to 3 corporate casinos and their commercials are always showing young folks laughing and having a ball. Truth is often it's the elderly who are enjoying themselves everybody else looks as if they'd have a better time a funeral.

I love the casino. Perhaps too much. And I admit Inside of it almost no one looks happy and thrilled to be there in fact it's the opposite.

BTW I hate Penny machines. I only play them when I am doing poorly. As I said I find them to be a rip off. You think you're paying less but you aren't. The machines these ladies were ate were $1 Wheel of Fortune Machines. They were by the door so they may have been waiting for a bus for all I know.

et said...

I didn't take your comments to be in any sense mean-spirited, Count.

I'm glad I left the industry when I did, though. After a time, the cynicism eats away at you, a little or a lot, because you honestly know that you are peddling a phantasm when push comes to shove. The House always has the advantage and you're really not in it to reward people - perhaps, at best, to entertain them - but to make a profit.

At the same time, I can't say it wasn't energizing for me to be able to promote events and hospitality-related things rather than wax lyrical about the cutting-edge capabilities of telecom test equipment or such. It's fun to be able to write breezy, cheerful copy about something that's exciting. And we hosted some fun events. Fireworks for the Fourth. Festival of Trees around the holidays. And, let me tell you, nobody does "cool" back-of-the-house events for staff like a hospitality operation does.

I got to supervise a photo shoot promoting a lobster dinner, and sample the raw material afterward. Who would say "no" to that?

It's not my ongoing interest in any way...but at the time, as an employee, it was kinda fun.

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