The View From My Ass Vacation Part 1,

First of I would like to thank America's English teacher Ralph for catching all of the typos. I am sure there will be some more for Ralph to find in this post. For the record when I get paid for what I write and yes I have had jobs where I got paid for writing I care about typos and such shit. When I do not get paid for what I write (sorry Uber Nip) I do not care about typos and such shit. As I have often said I know the difference between their, there and they're my fingers often do not. Anyway thanks Ralph and as your hero likes to say...



Anyway on to my Vacation. Is anything more exciting listening to somebody else talking about their vacation and showing pictures?

The Fairmont Waterfront in Vancouver was just a little bit nicer than say the Thermopolis Best Western which I thought was pretty nice when I stayed there. If I had it to do over I would spend more time in Vancouver. I was there for 2 days the first was spent really just walking around the adjacent neighborhood (though we should have done more) because we were tired. I figured the cab driver that took us from the airport to the Fairmont was jacking up his fair by taking the longest way possible to the hotel but not being familiar with the city and with Holland America paying him I really didn't care. It turns out I was right. We later went on a bus tour of the city and cab driver took about 20 minutes longer to get o the hotel from the airport than the bus did.




Vancouver from outside our hotel window



A visitor outside our hotel window.

In Vancouver I was introduced to the $32 Eggs Benedict. Thankfully only once did were we really a slave to the hotel restaurant when we had to eat breakfast because the restaurant in the underground mall under the Fairmont was going to be opened in time before our bus left. I did buy some Cigars in the underground mall which I am sure I paid WAY to much for.

Oh Ralph when I opened my Luggage in Vancouver you'll be glad to know there was a card from the TSA saying they had gone through my bag and that it was clean.

On day 2 after paying $60 we took the fairy to Victoria. Yes I have to apologize to ET I was in Victoria for about 5 hours though it would have been quite difficult to have arrange meeting because it was part of a tour and we really only had a couple of hours to ourselves. Plus I honestly didn't know were going to Victoria. I don't pay attention to details.




Exciting picture from the fairy.


First place we went to on the Island was The Butchart Gardens Now I am not a big flowers and plants guy but this place was very neat.










After about 2 hours in the Garden we went to Victoria where we got about 3 hours downtown. Our Bus driver warned us Victoria was a "weird town" Our Bus driver was a cool guy but I could tell he was pretty conservative. Anywho outside of Darth Vader playing the violin I didn't think Victoria was near as weird as say Boulder Co. or Madison WI.



A picture of the Empress Hotel in Victoria which I took because James Bond stayed there in the book Brokenclaw.

Day 3 we started with another tour of Vancouver. We went to Granville Island which has a fantastic Farmers Market. Had I the time or the way to bring the food home I would have stood in the massive lines and bought a ton of food. The place sold every kind of food you can think of and it all looked good. After buying a fedora at Edie's Hats and watching another Canadian store say reject my debit Card (fucking Canuck credit cards machines) we went through China town. Our driver drove through East Hastings and pointed out that like every city Vancouver had it's "Skid Row" however unlike American cities Vancouver's Skid Row was about 7 blocks long.

We got on the boat and once again my debit card worked. I knew I was no Ralph and that I had some money to cover my ass.



Ms Ryndam. Our boat.



Some of my favorite moments on the boat were out in the middle of nowhere smoking a cigar on the observation deck. The best part of a cruise is for 7 days you have no idea what is going on in the world. It must be how people who watch Fox News all the time feel. Actually the cabins got CNN but anybody who spends their time on a cruise watching CNN is a damn fool. You can also buy Internet time but that too seemed like a waste of good time on the boat.

First port Ketchikan Alaska








Second port Juneau.




Governor's Mansion.







Alaska capital building where Sarah must have spent a good 25 minutes.

Skagway Alaska and Northern British Columbia









Glacier National Park










Kenai Fjords National Park. Our Cruise was over. This part was a small boat ride on very rough waters and one of the engines on the boat quit working. People on the boat called it the S.S. Minnow. I am not ashamed to admit I got sick on the boat of death.









Sea Otters there were also momentary whale sitings which we didn't get good pictures of.

This is the end of part 1. Tomorrow (hopefully) I will post pictures from the land tour part of the vacation. BTW the weather in Vancouver and Victoria was really nice high 60's low 70's and very sunny. It was also very nice in Katchikan 72 and sunny which the locals called "hot" and yes they really do not like the sun there. They were not at all happy it wasn't raining. The next day in Juneau the weather changed. It was in the 50's and drizzly. Other than Northern BC where it was in the 40's and by the Glaciers where it was in the 30's the temperature was in the 50's and low 60's rainy and overcast until we got to Fairbanks at the end of our trip where it was in the high 70's low 80's. Compared to this 98 degree heat index of 115 shit we our having now I loved the weather. But as I will explain in part 2 I was in the minority.