Tuesday, May 31, 2011

The View From My Ass: The Count Is Not A House Worker

You remember them old time sitcom episodes where the man and wife get into arguments about how hard housework is and how he can do what she does and of course when he goes to do the housework he fails miserably thus learning how hard his poor wife's life really is? Well I am living that today. No I didn't say housework was easy and any fool could do it then set out to prove this fool couldn't. And No I'm not married to a house wife. Hell I've done laundry before and I've even cleaned dishes. I even kinda like doing dishes. So why has tonight been such a disaster?

For starters the Contessa left Friday afternoon for a short trip to see the folks and to go to St. Louis with friends be back Wednesday that's nice yes I'll do the laundry and the dishes no problem you know Monday I promised Caleb (My Nephew) to take him to Raw it's all good have fun bye. Well of course being a Male I didn't do any house work other than getting garbage out and I agreed to let Caleb spend last night over here he left about 6 P.M. So by the time I got around to start cleaning things were 5 days worse than they would have been if I had just cleaned everyday.

Well tonight I do two loads of laundry...wow this ain't too bad. Other than the black sock that somehow got mixed up in the whites I did pretty good. I even thought I separated all the clothes. This one time I really wished I was Ralph, Bob Or Mark Noonan. They never would do anything until they made sure all the coloreds were separated from the whites.

Anyway No harm done. Get this last load in the dryer do the dishes and I can watch the end of Miami, Dallas it's all good. I get the clothes in the laundry the damn dryer won't start. Now I am getting pissed cussing the machine the dogs are getting nervous I am thinking about calling the Contessa why can't I get this damn dryer to work after two loads? Then I look down and see the door is open. DOH! I am Ralph, Bob or Mark Noonan at least tonight. Closed the door got the dryer going up stairs to do the dishes. The sink is loaded.

Now normally as I said I like doing dishes. But I do dishes the old fashion way. I load the sink full of water put soap in the water get my hands in the water and ipso-facto Dishes are cleaned. By now I am tired and just a little pissed. The cat meowed outside my bedroom door until I put him downstairs, I baby sat all day, I did the laundry, I am ready for my wife to be home and I am tired. So I say what about this dishwasher machine thingy how hard could it be? I mean it's not the same as washing by hand but it works right? And how hard could it be to work? I load the dishwasher I go off to watch the 4th quarter of the game I come back out to the kitchen And the floor is covered in soap. SO I also mopped the kitchen floor which wasn't on my list. I just did so with dish-washing detergent. This has been my day.

Tomorrow when I get home and God willing the Contessa is back we're going to the best medium priced steakhouse I can find. Not only because I want to show my appreciation for her but because I have earned it. The crappy dinners, fighting the dryer flooding the kitchen I deserve a break and I damn sure don't mean McDonald's either. There is a lesson to be learned in all of this. Wives who bitch about your men not doing house work parking their fat asses by the tube watching sports-center all night while the laundry sits there until you do something. You should be damn grateful. It could be worse. If he's anything like me the more housework he helps you with the more you'll just have to do later.


Count Istvan


et said...

Cheers to you for sharing the tale, Count. When ET Daughter was still a newborn, Spouse's job involved a lot of travel. On one occasion when he was back I had been holding forth on how exhausted I was, and he was all, "Oh, don't be such a whiner."

He sure changed his tune the first time I was away at a trade show for a week at work, though, and diaper duty was all his.

Give him credit, he loads and runs the dishwasher. For some reason he can't return most of the pots, pans and utensils to their points of origin afterward, though, despite knowing full well where to get them OUT.

Anonymous said...

Give him credit, he loads and runs the dishwasher. For some reason he can't return most of the pots, pans and utensils to their points of origin afterward, though, despite knowing full well where to get them OUT.

That sounds familiar I to unload the dishwasher however usually when I am asked to do the dishes I just wash them by hand. It's something I've done since I was 10. You get home you wash the dishes. It was a house rule.

Anonymous said...

Oh and it's sounds familiar because I to put dishes where I guess they aren't suppose to be.

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