Thursday, May 3, 2012

The View From My Ass

Men, and I am talking to you men who are about to, or thinking about, getting married.  I have one piece of advice and one piece of advice only.  Value your own opinion. Don't share it, cause no one cares, but value it. I think back to the time when I was bright eyed and star struck and heard "let's go the furniture mart and look at some furniture the two of us we'll get something we both like." I was fucking dumb enough to believe it. Of course when we got there my opinion was solicited and I was fucking dumb enough to give it. What do you like? "oh I like this" "no no no that's too dark we'll go with this"

 Lesson learned.

Next time we're at the mart:
"what do you think dear?"
"you ask me and then when I show you something I like you'll say I don't like it" so why are you asking me? "No what do you like dear?" "
OK I like this."
No I don't like that we'll go with this"

Again lesson learned.

Now when I am at the mart or any store for that matter and I am asked what I like I say "Don't ask me you pick it out and it will be fine." The sales person may give me a dirty look but I just ended the charade and saved them...and me valuable time I can spend some place I'd rather be. Which is of course about any where else. 

Do I always like what she picks out? No. Do I value my opinion on what she picks out? Yes. Do I share it? Oh hell no. Because at the end of the day it doesn't matter what my opinion is to anybody but me.

And then of course there is this conversation. You're at home. The wife is shopping. ring...ring...ring...

"I am about to pick up food dear what would you like to eat?"
"What would you like?"
"anything you want is fine with me"
"OK _____________________________ sounds good."
"No I think I'll go to __________________________________"

In time that turns into...

"I am about to pick up food dear what would you like to eat?"
"does it matter what I want?"
"yes you know it does"
"Just get what you want"
"Tell me what you want"
"I'll tell you then you'll say no"
"No I won't just tell me what you want"
"OK I want________________________________________________________________"
" No I think I'll go to __________________________________ instead

Finally it becomes this....

""I am about to pick up food dear what would you like to eat?""
" wherever you go just find something on the menu I'll like" "hurry home bye"

I skip the charade of her pretending my opinion matters and the back and forth that can take hours before she goes wherever she was going to go in the first place. Again value your own opinion. It's the only person it matters a lick to. But don't share it... trust me nothing good can ever come of that.

This is why I like cats. Oh the cat doesn't give a rat's ass about my opinion. But at least he's not selective. He doesn't give a rat's ass about her opinion either.

Is this is why I am so opinionated on line? I don't know. I've always been opinionated. It's not like I've never taken a look at something she's picked out (including me) and thought what the fuck were you thinking? I just don't say what the fuck were you thinking. I say that's nice dear. Oh sure I could have gone with her and tried to sell her on something that I would like more but that ain't gonna happen. And instead of seeing some great sporting event of getting some much needed sleep I wasted my time and the store's and she still bought the same damn thing I couldn't stand.

I am I must admit on a win streak. I went to go pick up a clock for my new "man cave" and actually selected one I liked. She actually also liked the clock I picked out. I got the clock! I probably could have bought more but I left while I was ahead. Well not quite. On the way home she asked me where I'd like to eat and "any place would be fine" Of course I pointed to a restaurant and said that sounds good! And of course she said no let's go to ______________________ instead.

Count Istvan.

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