Girls, please don't do this to yourself!

This is, perhaps, the strangest thing I will hear in the month of March: women adding tiny beaded crystals to spruce up the vagina. No, I am not making this up.

Vajazzling is a burgeoning beauty treatment, popular with celebs and kinky Martha Stewart-ites alike, that involves ladies bedazzling their freshly waxed lady parts just as they would their neato neckerchiefs or fancy fannypacks – with tiny, magical crystals.

So women aren’t just obsessively coiffing their “areas” to look like pre-teen Barbies – they’re now glue-sticking Barbie’s earrings down below, too?

What the hell? If you really want to impress us "down there" then just keep it odor-free, neat, and tidy. Trim it if you want; going bald is a plus in my book. Just don't bling-out your lady parts. If there are two things that don't need the sparkle treatment, its blood-sucking vampires (I'm talking to you, Edward Cullen!) and a woman's privates.